R.I.P Nickie 2/12/2010

[michelle_acox]

Hello everyone, I am seeking advice. I lost my sister on Feb. 12th, 2010. My sister Nickie was killed in a auto accident. The driver of the other vehical crossed the center line and ran over the top of her car, she was only 25 and has 2 children ages 3 and 5. We know very little about what happened other than the crossing of center. The Hwy Patrol say is will proubly take atleast 4 more weeks befor we will know more. Nickie lived with me and I recieved the call that she may have been in a wreck from my husband he said he thought it was her car when he passed the accident shortly after it happened so when i couldnt reach her on her phone i drove to the sight, when i got there the direction i was coming from hadnt been closed down yet and drove right up on it. I had been on the phone with my mom prior to driving up on it to let her know that it may be nickie so she was at the other end of the block off they wouldnt let her through. I remember seeing the car knowing it was nickie trying to see her and being stopped then trying to call my mom but couldnt I can hear my self yelling to mom " It's Nickie, Mom, It's Nickie" We waited on the side of the road for 3 hrs befor they moved her. My dad finaly made them let him see her and is refusing to tell us how bad it was they said she was gone realy fast she didnt suffer. She lived with me and I am looking for a new home I keep expecting her to come home or call me to let me know when she will be home. I want to continue keeping her children on the weekend but im afraid her children will have problems comeing to my home since it was where they saw her. Her son is very angry we cannt mention her name with out him getting mad Im afraid that if we dont talk to him about her he will forget about her but contenue to be angry and then not know the reason for that anger. Her daughter is acting out as well but not nearly as bad she is the youngest and keeps waking up in the middle of the night wanting to she "her Nickie" thats what the babies called there mom. I would like to see them in counseling but their dad whom nickie was fighting to get coustody of them from refuses to put them in counseling Then we have a bio mom that is using pills and was so high when we made the arrangements that she fell asleep and claims my dad mom and i didnt inclued her in the decisions she made a big deal over a $40 plant she bought saying that she was the only one that cared enough to buy a plant that cost that much, the plant is so trivial i havent spoken to her because she was trying to make my dad and i look bad but in reality my dad and i paid for everything inclueding the casket spray whick was as big as the casket and mother daughter and sister wreathes I only mention these things because of the scene she made over $40 when she has picked up Nickies pay checks from work and cashed them filed a wrongful death on the other driver because she thinks she can get money out of it, i believe if any money comes from nickies death it should go into a trust for her children and that no one should be able to touch it. bio mom has went as far as telling my daughter that she and i are the reason nickie was dead because she lived with us and the wreck was only a couple miles away, I know this sounds like im ranting and maybe i am but i dont know what to do i dont know how to deal with my feeling and all this other stuff too i have taken care of nickie all her life i am her oldest sister and she has lived with me off and one since she was 18 i still feel the need to take care of her. I am so tired i sleep all the time i know its because im depressed and have to deal with everything else because bio mom is also my bio mom and i want to see my neice and nephew does anyone have any advice i could use to put a stop to some of the bull or at least cope with it better I know it will be a long time befor the feeling of lose weakens